What to Do If You Find a Sea Monk Washed Up on a Beach?
We've all been there. It's dawn, a beautiful summer's morning in Pembrokeshire, there's no one else for miles around and you're out on your local beach with your dog when they pick up a scent and disappear. You run after them, following their barking. You hear strange high-pitched shrills. Your dog comes running back to you with its tail between its legs, visibly shaking. You see what you think is a mesh of seaweed and discarded fishing nets and sunscreen bottles on the shore but as you get closer you can see that it's moving, breathing. You edge ever closer until you are stood over this blob of old lobster pots, driftwood, slimy kelp and...monastic robes? Then you see its eyes wide and yellowing, its teeth sharp and its scaly arms reach out to you and it screams that iconic piercing, spine-chilling scream, and you run for your life and never return to that beach and you remember once you get home that you forgot to put your dog in the car but you can never go back so you get a new dog.
As a responsible member of the public, it is important to know what to do if you come across a sea monk that has washed up on the beach, a common sight in Pembrokeshire during the warm summer months. Sea monks are a protected species and are an important part of the ecosystem in coastal areas, particularly on the Pembrokeshire coast where many spend their summers, breeding and storing up enough energy to make their winter migration to the Pacific. Due to competition with commercial trawling, many sea monks find themselves coming closer and closer to shore each year in search of food and this means that many end up getting washed up on beaches all over Pembrokeshire. Here are some steps to follow if you find a sea monk on the beach:
1. Keep a Safe Distance: It is important to keep a safe distance from the sea monk and not to approach it too closely. Over the summer in Pembrokeshire, Sea monks can become agitated and stressed by human interaction, so it is important to observe them from a distance. There have been many recorded cases where members of the public have got too close, in a bid to take selfies for instance, and this can result in potentially traumatic experiences, both for the sea monk who may be protecting its young but also for any member of the public who ends up being dragged into the sea.
2. Call the Authorities: Contact your local wildlife conservation, marine rescue organization or your local Monk Warden immediately if you come across a stranded sea monk. They have the expertise and equipment to safely move the sea monk to a safer location and provide it with the care it needs. The Royal Society for the Protection of Monks has installed trebuchets at a number of beaches along the Pembrokeshire coast, which help to propel the sea monks safely back into the water with minimal interference. In Pembrokeshire the RSPM host regular training sessions teaching members of the public how to use these trebuchets responsibly.
3. Protect the Sea Monk: While waiting for the authorities to arrive, you can help protect the sea monk by keeping it wet and cool. Cover it with wet towels or blankets, and if possible, dig a shallow trench in the sand to allow water to flow around it. Do not pour water directly on the sea monk's face or mouth, as this can cause further stress. The RSPM recommends that you bring a shovel and a bucket with you whenever you go for a walk on Pembrokeshire beaches in the summer. Remember not to get too close because if the sea monk is able to grab your ankle you may be pulled into a watery grave.
4. Do Not Attempt to Move the Sea Monk: It is important not to attempt to move the sea monk on your own. Sea monks are large, heavy beings, and attempting to move them can cause serious injury or harm, mostly to members of the public who suffer from infections after being scratched, bitten or having their limbs torn off by the sea monks. There have been some documented cases where people have attempted to save sea monks by nursing them back to health in their home bathtub or paddling pool. This may sound like a caring and pro-active method to assist with an endangered species but unfortunately in 99% of cases such like this it results in irreparable psychological trauma for the kind-hearted member of the public because few people are aware that sea monks kept in captivity for any amount of time will grow three times their usual size and develop a taste for human flesh.
5. Do Not Remove Any Parts: It is illegal to remove any part of a sea monk, dead or alive. This includes the bones, teeth, or other body parts. The teeth are worth a lot of money on the black market and many influencers have been found to be advertising health drinks made from sea monk bones, which reportedly contain supernatural anti-ageing properties which are illegal in Europe. Although regulations are becoming a grey area in the UK in recent years, causing an uptick in sea monk poaching, sea monks are still protected under the law, and any attempt to remove or harm them can result in serious consequences. Also, the health drinks promoted by these influencers have been found to cause "seriously detrimental swelling" to people's buttocks.
By following these steps, you can help protect and preserve sea monks and ensure their survival for future generations. Thank you for your responsible action and dedication to conservation here in the Pembrokeshire National Park.
To find out more about the trebuchet training sessions, contact your local RSPM branch.
This information was brought to you by the Royal Society for the Protection of Monks, proud sponsors of the St David's Comedy Walking Tour (AKA The Best Ever 100% Verifiably Accurate Walking Tour of St Davids), tours running all summer, click here for available dates and to book.
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